By Karolina Kaboompics @Pexels.com
As children become more curious about sex and naturally grow into puberty, parents must take the initiative to talk about sex and limit harmful adult sexuality. These two steps are vital. Today, we’ll focus on how to protect your family from the dangers of online sexuality. Here are four steps on how to keep your children safe from porn.
Families must be smart about any version of adult sexuality that is “visible” in their homes, especially once they have children. When talking to parents with children around the age of 9, I tell them it’s time to remove anything that could expose the child to such content. Visible adult sexuality includes lingerie catalogs, romance novels, or any books with explicit sexuality described, including some Christian marriage books, movies with nudity or explicit sexual interactions, etc. Obviously, this includes pornography. Since pornography is accessible and pervasive, internet safety for the family is of vital importance.
While I believe pornography is morally wrong (and is unhealthy for many reasons, according to research), some of those other examples of sexual content are perfectly acceptable. However, there is a period of time when a child will find themselves almost irresistibly drawn to anything sexual, around nine to thirteen, and you don’t want anything in the house that a child could unhealthily engage with sexually.
In other words, a child should not be exposed to sexual content meant for an adult, even if it is normally healthy for adults.
While pornography is healthy for no one, it is especially damaging for children.
Why is that?
There is no such thing as a safe hiding place for pornography in the home. Pornography is dangerous to anyone, but especially so to kids.
The internet creates portals for adult sexuality in ways that have not been available to children, maybe in the history of mankind. Certainly in abundance and variety that has not been available ever before.
The pornography issue is massive and extremely dangerous. The addictive cycle that it can create at any age is incredible. Further, it feels like something happens in the brain of a child the earlier they are exposed, impacting the way a person intuitively engages with sexuality for the rest of their lives.
The longer a kid can avoid exposure to sexual content online, the better.
So, then, how do parents in this millennium protect their children?
I regularly hear about a child who gains access to internet porn via a portal that they were unaware existed! When I ask, parents tell me that they are careful about their children’s internet access by telling me that the family computer is in a public space or they check their computer’s history. That’s assuming the child doesn’t have a smartphone.
Either way, those parents are naïve.
Nearly all game systems and game devices have internet access and typically have a search engine built in, and nearly all apps can access the internet through access to a search engine.
Generation Alpha and Generation Z are internet natives, which means they can intuitively and skillfully navigate the internet to get shortcuts and backdoors. Videos, chat rooms, and live cameras are all accessible online. Your Playstation, Xbox and even your Nintendo Switch can get online and search online with little effort. Netflix and other movie systems often have access to all kinds of movies, documentaries, and shows with ratings of all kinds unless you intentionally create settings and passwords.
Most products nowadays have restrictions in their settings you can activate. Look up how-to videos to see how you can put parental restrictions on each device. Although it seems difficult or annoying, it’s worth it to protect your children from predatory internet activity.
In addition, you can use browsing apps like Covenant Eyes, which allow older teens and adults to safely browse online. I use it to keep a block between me and anything sexual online.
As young as middle school, but certainly in high school, foolish teens sometimes send nude photos of themselves to their significant other. This can come from intense peer pressure or manipulation. With no accountability, some teens have spread these nude photos around, and once they’re out in the world, there’s no getting them back. A teenage client once came to my office for counseling because he’d shared a nude picture of his girlfriend with several people and unintentionally broke child sex trafficking laws.
Gaming platforms, emails, and other ways of communicating can be gateways for sexual predators or other teens to communicate sexually. Try to monitor and limit them as well.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you must be a safe, non-judgmental place for your children to confess their sexual misbehavior and exploration. None of this works if you haven’t talked to your kids about sex in a healthy, appropriate way (you should have this talk around nine to ten years old, although maybe earlier or later, depending on the child). It also doesn’t work if your child doesn’t feel like they can trust you and talk to you about their struggles.
The truth is, with all these measures in place, they will likely still find a way around your protections. The protections still help, even if they’re not foolproof, trust me. They need to be able to come to you if and when they seek out pornography or other unhealthy forms of sexuality. Regularly talk to them and encourage them to discuss it with you. Be on their team to fight pornography.
If you or your child is struggling with pornography, or you want professional help in raising your child in a sexually healthy way, consider reaching out to one of our therapists. Every parent can use a little extra help with something so tricky!
